Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Super-8 was not quite so super... was it?

I cheated today.

Yup, it's true. Go ahead and gasp, and judge, and do all you want... whatever you do, I've done it to myself already.

Today was "juice" day: fruit and veggie juice, with the option of soup stock if I wanted. Today was also "integrity" day. Hmmmm.

Today was a BIG day... high-pressure, interviewing for an interesting organization on-site of their big workshops they're doing as a follow-up to a big presentation day they had in October. The organization is so motivating, but there are a whole lot of factors to take into consideration if I am offered the job.

So in short, a very big, stressful day.

Not to mention feeling very broken emotionally last night.

So I went to Jessi's house and sat on her couch, and felt so emotionally drained, and was venting. Jess offered me food: I declined. She said they were beans, I could have some if I wanted. I said no, again.

And then I spent the next 1/2 hour dreaming about beans. My resolve was down.

So you know what happened... I ate the beans.

"They're just beans," I convinced myself, "I'm going to eat whole foods tomorrow ANYWAY".

OK, I'm just gonna barrel on through the next hour. Basically, I had 2 pieces of homemade carrot cake (gluten free, sugar free, made with homemade carrot pulp), and 1 piece of banana bread. I won't get into the gory details because I don't want to. I just need to be accountable.

And I actually- though feeling slightly remorseful - am so glad I get to be accountable to you lovely folk. Because although there are only 2 days left on this, "my" cleanse, I do want to spend the next 2 weeks eating very diligently. But what is diligence if not for some breaking of the rules?

Hmmmm. An issue I grapple with daily, I suppose.

So long story short, I cheated, I'm exhausted, and I hope you forgive me for it. And tomorrow, I do very much intend on staying true to my strength.

My how I love you,

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