Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Super-8 was not quite so super... was it?
Yup, it's true. Go ahead and gasp, and judge, and do all you want... whatever you do, I've done it to myself already.
Today was "juice" day: fruit and veggie juice, with the option of soup stock if I wanted. Today was also "integrity" day. Hmmmm.
Today was a BIG day... high-pressure, interviewing for an interesting organization on-site of their big workshops they're doing as a follow-up to a big presentation day they had in October. The organization is so motivating, but there are a whole lot of factors to take into consideration if I am offered the job.
So in short, a very big, stressful day.
Not to mention feeling very broken emotionally last night.
So I went to Jessi's house and sat on her couch, and felt so emotionally drained, and was venting. Jess offered me food: I declined. She said they were beans, I could have some if I wanted. I said no, again.
And then I spent the next 1/2 hour dreaming about beans. My resolve was down.
So you know what happened... I ate the beans.
"They're just beans," I convinced myself, "I'm going to eat whole foods tomorrow ANYWAY".
OK, I'm just gonna barrel on through the next hour. Basically, I had 2 pieces of homemade carrot cake (gluten free, sugar free, made with homemade carrot pulp), and 1 piece of banana bread. I won't get into the gory details because I don't want to. I just need to be accountable.
And I actually- though feeling slightly remorseful - am so glad I get to be accountable to you lovely folk. Because although there are only 2 days left on this, "my" cleanse, I do want to spend the next 2 weeks eating very diligently. But what is diligence if not for some breaking of the rules?
Hmmmm. An issue I grapple with daily, I suppose.
So long story short, I cheated, I'm exhausted, and I hope you forgive me for it. And tomorrow, I do very much intend on staying true to my strength.
My how I love you,