Monday, December 1, 2014
Hi! How are you? It's Megan. I know it's been a while. I've followed you here and there on social media, looks like things are going well for you. (Sorry to hear about that Spiderman thing though, ugh. Happens to the best of us). Word is we even have some mutual friends - Tim Minchin and Glen Hansard! Say hi to them for me, love those guys!
Ok, Um. I feel like I need to explain my disappearance... I know a lot has changed since you introduced me to Idina Menzel and Lea Salonga for the first time all those years ago (remember when you made me keep that cd on repeat ? Lol you kooky Kat!). I mean, I know it didn't help when I realized you lived in NYC and I might never be able to live there with you. But we sure tried for something real in London together, didn't we! And what we had was working pretty well, wasn't it?
But then my car accident happened. I needed a time out. I get it, you couldn't wait for me. You made wonderful lasting relationships with many of my friends, who got to hang out with you in SOLO leads - on cruise ships, in West End and Broadway theatres - you even introduced one of my classmates to Whoopi Goldberg in that nun musical based on the movie! What fun you kids had!
I got jealous, though. Ugh, I'm sorry. You came back for me, but not how I had hoped, I'll be honest. Of course it doesn't help that you do flounder here in Vancouver - not only is your income meager at best in this city, but many of the people you hang out with here - while lovely in their own right - tend to rub me the wrong way. Not to mention I thought for a while that maybe you were more my ex's friend than mine, so things got really weird when that ex and I ended. That distancing was totally from my end, and I'm sorry.
I've tried to find what we had with others. There was that fling with pop/r&b, those flirty connections with hip hop. Things got a bit serious with comedy for a while, and the Fringe circuit community and I have a really great thing going. I have also recently been throwing myself into work, partly to numb the pain, partly to learn how to be an independent woman. I've been doing a lot of childhood pattern healing and learning how to make proper relationships.
But... Musical theatre... I miss you. I think of you every day.
Hey, I know we have things that will need addressing. I know you're really god damned nerdy. You don't make very much money, even outside of Vancouver. No one really takes us seriously if they don't run in our circles.
And then there are the tough things that made me walk out in the first place: The beautiful girls in their early 20s singing "Fine, Fine Line" with way more gorgeous riffs than me. The expensive headshots and classes you make me buy - money I just KNOW I won't get back, and your demand to have me keep proving my talent repeatedly for friends and strangers alike. And once you decide I am worthy, you require me to perform to that level 8 times a week on your schedule while I'm still working full time. Not to mention the extra work and money involved if I decide to be the one bankrolling the whole thing. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure if I'm ready to take all that back on, yet. We're going to have to work really fucking hard and get some new perspective to get through some of this.
But... I really think we might have a chance. As I snuggle in to bed here, I've cued up a JRB playlist to fall asleep to. I've dusted off my "Angels, Punks, and Raging Queens" to do a small plunk-through sometime this week. And you'll be proud of me: I'm even trying something new, and even writing some of my own stuff. It may not be up to your high standards, but it's a start.
My love, I'm ready to take the first step, if you are. I think we're worth it.
With all my heart,
Posted by Megan Phillips at 7:23 PM