Thursday, October 22, 2009

Day 9 - the end of the LINE!


So, I guess I made it?

Finishes are always awkward with me, I've found. I find I'm more of a start-er, ya know? Someone who likes to throw a lot of energy into things, even into the preparation of things... and it's the *finishing* and the *following-up* of things that I find I have issues with.

So, the end of this week got busy again. It started very strong, and then the last 3 days sort of crumbled... but not in ways that I had feared at the outset. In fact, all in all, I am thoroughly impressed with Body. Mega's Body has lasted in remarkable ways -- ways I never had imagined she could, with her history of "fearing discipline". Uber-discipline over these past 9 days has never tasted so good. Pardon the pun.

It's true, though. I had fears of bingeing, of throwing it all to hell, and of really honestly feeling like I could not make it. In fact, my *biggest* fear was just that: what if I really, truly, could not fulfill these 10 simple days I had put out for myself? And if I couldn't do that, what else would I not be able to accomplish I had set out for myself?

And the beauty lies in the fact that: well, yes Megz, it is really and truly possible to set goals for yourself, and to accomplish them. And to do it in a way that is light-hearted, and joyful, and fun.. and full of support. And even though I may be exhausted after returning home from work at 12:30am... I committed to writing a blog, so write a blog I shall.

And then there will be more commitments tomorrow. And that's ok too.

So these are the learnings. That beyond the details: the being hungry, the hating it, the loving it, the barfing, the dropping a pant size, the comments of you amazing readers.... there lies this glowing feeling of accomplishment that only I can claim.

And claim it I shall!

So... I'd love to end it there (and were this a Hollywood script, I would!).... but, ah yes, "following up".

I have a plan. I meet with Gelina, the greatest nutritionist there is, tomorrow morning, and we concoct some form of 3-month outline. The goal is 2 weeks of pure foods, and 3 months of eating a planned lifestyle, with regular check-ins. And in January, I re-evaluate the situation and take it from there: perhaps attempt a longer Master Cleanse, decide which foods belong in my diet, etc. etc.

So perhaps I will blog about that...and perhaps I'll keep with the daily blog. No promises. But tomorrow, the situation will be evaluated and encouraged. I'll post it if anything changes.

One last honourable mention: thanks to you kids who read this stuff. Without you, there would be no inner musings published to both Blogger and Facebook. Thanks for your support, wisdom, and space to hold me accountable.

Much, much much love. Until next time....


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Super-8 was not quite so super... was it?

I cheated today.

Yup, it's true. Go ahead and gasp, and judge, and do all you want... whatever you do, I've done it to myself already.

Today was "juice" day: fruit and veggie juice, with the option of soup stock if I wanted. Today was also "integrity" day. Hmmmm.

Today was a BIG day... high-pressure, interviewing for an interesting organization on-site of their big workshops they're doing as a follow-up to a big presentation day they had in October. The organization is so motivating, but there are a whole lot of factors to take into consideration if I am offered the job.

So in short, a very big, stressful day.

Not to mention feeling very broken emotionally last night.

So I went to Jessi's house and sat on her couch, and felt so emotionally drained, and was venting. Jess offered me food: I declined. She said they were beans, I could have some if I wanted. I said no, again.

And then I spent the next 1/2 hour dreaming about beans. My resolve was down.

So you know what happened... I ate the beans.

"They're just beans," I convinced myself, "I'm going to eat whole foods tomorrow ANYWAY".

OK, I'm just gonna barrel on through the next hour. Basically, I had 2 pieces of homemade carrot cake (gluten free, sugar free, made with homemade carrot pulp), and 1 piece of banana bread. I won't get into the gory details because I don't want to. I just need to be accountable.

And I actually- though feeling slightly remorseful - am so glad I get to be accountable to you lovely folk. Because although there are only 2 days left on this, "my" cleanse, I do want to spend the next 2 weeks eating very diligently. But what is diligence if not for some breaking of the rules?

Hmmmm. An issue I grapple with daily, I suppose.

So long story short, I cheated, I'm exhausted, and I hope you forgive me for it. And tomorrow, I do very much intend on staying true to my strength.

My how I love you,

Monday, October 19, 2009

DAY SHEVEN... not just a cool type of faucet.

Yes, the Sheven is a versatile faucet, it rotates, and does these crazy things. My parents actually have one. They're quite nice.

So how does this relate to my cleanse? Besides the fact that they, like the after-effects of a cleanse, are sleek and smooth and they too pour liquid out an opening in the rear of their bodies; a "Sheven" faucet sounds quite similar to "seven" pronounced with a slight speech impediment.

So there you are on that.

"How about the cleanse??? Did you eat today? Did you keep going on the Master? What the heck did you do?!" You ask vehemently.... fine! I'll tell you!! Stop pestering me, you crazy kids!


First of all, I started with waking up this morning, and feeling like I could most definitely go with the Master (ie, nothing but water and Cleanse tea) for at least one more day. Then, as I was brushing my teeth, I began to reconsider that. I began to realize that there are a lot of things working against going without food for a longer period of time: I have an ultra-busy week ahead of me, and a very important day tomorrow, and I do want to get back into pushing myself physically in swimming and biking. Moreover, my original intention was to be back into Ease-Out Day 1 today... and my theme of the day today was NURTURE. So why not let the Orange Juice and Ease-In juices nurture me?

So that's what I chose to do. Had about 3 glasses of OJ and lotsa water and tea... and all was well.

I had a moment around lunch I was reading this phenomenal book (which I will get to momentarily), and the author was describing this amazing Indian food he had eaten while in India. I could almost taste it... my tummy started to rumble. And not 2 minutes later - no word of a lie - the person in front of me was served the most delicious-smelling and looking Chicken Curry plate I have EVER experienced. Oh my god. It was like torture. I was sooooo close to throwing in the towel then and there!!! Thank GOD for the physical effects that commitments are having on my body nowadays because, geez, had I not been committed to a cause that was becoming greater than myself... no friggin way would I have made it past those 20 minutes of tortorously delicious smells and sights.

And by the way, I say "greater than myself" ... because I need to reinforce - to you, but mostly to me - that this "Cleanse" is so much MORE than a cleanse for my body. It's a cleanse for my WORLD. My inner world. It's a cleanse as a metaphor for life. For me to think clearer, act stronger, be lighter. To FEEL things more. Do you ever notice how we numb so much out with our food, that we become so stuffed we can't feel a thing?! What a crazy thing!!! It's all well and good to be stuffed... but to do so regularly... and THEN, our bodies begin to show these trapped feelings and unsaid points of view, so we add WEIGHT. what is weight? HEAVINESS. Heaviness on our bodies, and our hearts. Ahhhh... the one thing that we love with... and they go under attack from the heaviness. Interesting.

So then it gets really weird, because we notice these changes in our body, all these trapped judgments.... and we begin to judge it?! So we start pushing our body more, or eating different foods - factory-produced "100-calorie packs" , guzzling Chemical-filled soda - and putting these harsh issues on ourselves, meanwhile we do NOTHING to look at what is so toxic in our lives that we need to stuff ourselves full of toxins?

And hey - I am just as guilty as the rest of you. Lord knows I love a good diet Coke and I've had my fair share of binging on carrots to stay in my point-range on WW.

But honestly, folks... who am I kidding? The moment I finish my binge... I'm back to dealing with the issues I first started with. Because, I'll have to deal with them some way or another... Shoving things in my mouth that taste good has been an excellent buffer and procrastination tactic.

I think all of these issues are on my mind for several reasons: first, because I've finished the FIRE of the master cleanse and am back to the transition phases... much like a recovering addict in rehab, I'm nearing the end of my program and soon will be back in the open. Where things aren't restricted to me because "I'm on a cleanse". Where Meg's Mind likes to make looots of excuses for breaking resolutions that were wimpy in the first place.

Second, because I'm becoming very immersed in this company, Free the Children, a really phenomenal company committed to children freeing other children from child slavery through education. Simple as that. They go into 3rd world communities and do what they can to save these kids whose lives are so vastly different from ours... and the more interested I become in that, the more my own previous issues seem to melt in front of my very eyes.

By the way, that was the book I mentioned earlier. "Free the Children " By Craig Kielburger. I so recommend it.... it's really a well-narrated, fascinating read.

Ok, so I've made my social statements for the evening... check. Blogged about drinking lots of things... check. Made it obscenely long for a busy person to read all the way through... check, check, check.

My work is done here. Happy Sheven-hunting to y'all. I love you from the inside out...!!!!!!


Sunday, October 18, 2009

SIX is for Six-Pack! (Six Pack SURYA that is!!)

So, this photo has absolutely nothing to do with the following post. I just thought that maybe a hot man holding some knife-like pec things would do it for you.

Today was a great, great, great, great, GREAT day. One of those days where you are just in gratitude for being alive... ya know? Where the trees look really beautiful as they're changing colour and losing their leaves. Or where you go for a walk around the block and your body just feels eager to be moving. Where the future is this bright, glowing nimbus of goodness, and there ain't nothing or no one that can get in your way.

I was talking to a dear buddy of mine about the first few days of this beautiful cleanse, and he mentioned that it sounded like I was in detox. When I asked him what that meant, he replied that it's when addicts head to rehab and they have their first 72 hours without drugs or alcohol. Where the body is purging itself of not having the substances it's been so used to relying on: where every part of your body aches, and you're irritable, and grumpy, and can barely focus... the list goes on. But it gets to the point where you literally feel like you're dying.

I can't quite say I got to the point where I felt that death was near... but I was definitely up there. It was awful, and exhausting, and all of those things.

But like, its this tunnel that you have to go through I guess. And then you get out of it... and it's like a whole Other World! Most of the time, I feel as if I just do not 'need' things to get by. I'm alert, focussed, open, and still my Old Self. I love it, I love it, I love it... yes, it's true, I am loving life right now - in a genuine, awesome sense.

So today was supposed to be the end of my 3-day Master Cleanse, with tomorrow supposed to be the Ease-In day. But I honestly believe that Body wants a day or 2 more. We'll see how it is tomorrow, but for now... I'm signing off on the Awesomeness that is the Being of Mega.

Love love love

Saturday, October 17, 2009


Ladies and Gentlemen, Day 5!

To begin with, at this present moment, I feel GREAT - vibrant, fit, *alive*. My body feels it is releasing and my whole energy feels a million times better than last night. I felt motivated to ride my bike, go to work, do a Journey process with the wonderful and amazing Val... but let's back up to this morning, when I did NOT feel great.

So I woke up and hit the 'snooze' button about 10 times... if you calculate a 9-minute 'snooze' time, you'll surely see that's just around 1.5 hours of 'snooze'-ing.

So I woke up, and I was reeeally considering giving up today. I've come really far, my body clearly wasn't happy with me yesterday, maybe this is not the cleanse for me. And I considered eating some food but then I thought, well, let's give it till midday. I'm ok for now.

So just as I'm about to head out the door, I feel this now-normal nausea in my body. I think, "I feel kinda nauseous," ... 2 minutes later, I realize, "I feel really nauseous... yup, I'm gonna throw up "...

so I do.

And I'm like, now what?

Clearly my tummy is angry at me at the present, and I can't even *consider* drinking any more maple syrup. So I ask my body, "Body, what do you need?" And body's like, "BREAD!" and I'm like, "MIND, what are youuu doing here? I didn't ask you here" and mind's all, "sooo-rryyyy" so I turn back to body.

"Body, what do you need?"
"What Kiiind of food?"
"Miiiind, stop it! I can't eat bread, I'm cleansing the body of cooked food and toxins and what would this mean to my integrity of commitment?"
"Soooorryyyy. Just trying to help."

And body speaks up - quietly now - "How about a banana?"

How about a banana?

I think about it. A banana could be tough. A banana would mean breaking my vow of no solid food. Would that mean I'm breaking these plans?

But then, my body is asking for food, demanding it! Who am I to resist that?

So I choose to eat the banana. Because being nauseous is the pits, and I have a day to go about.

Anyway, the best choice I could've made. From then on, the day was GREAT. There were a couple moments of seeing people eat around me, and wishing that I could be ingesting a whole lotta cheese ... but it feels good to feel strong, too. So today was a day of feeling strong.

So the theme for HIGH FIVE day has been this: you don't have to move quickly and forcefully to be moving. You can be moving slowly, too.

And I love that because patterns in Meg's Life to Date have been around either been sprinting a 100 meter dash or sitting on a couch gorging on chips. Literally. So what if life were a marathon? What if life was a long-distance stretch consisting of sprints and jogs, and perhaps sometimes walks... but always movement?

I was riding my bike home tonight in a redonculous rainstorm. If you live in Vancouver, you know what that was... the drains were clogged with leaves so there were puddles everywhere, and so my feet were literally soaking by the time I arrive home. In fact, they were soaking 30 seconds after departure.

So the setup was pretty rough. Also, if you know 10th Avenue anywhere west of Alma, you'll know that there's a Great Big Mother-Fing Hill. (I like to call her GBMuthaFa). And most days, I feel empowered when I get up that thing ... it's always the very last leg of my trip and I always arrive panting and dripping with sweat when I get home.

However, tonight, I just knew I was too weak to take on the hill.

"Should I bus tonight?" I think to myself. But I consider how I've made that pact in September to bike everywhere that I can. And I knew I had the energy for a bike home tonight. So I sucked it up and left.

But I also knew that I did not have the energy to make it up GBMuthaFa. I tried 1/2 a block, to see if I was fooling myself... but I'm definitely weak and short of stamina. So I head back down the hill to the bus stop... only to see the bus pass me by, splashing water all over my face. Great. Now what?

But ya know... as I look at that bus passing me I think, wow. I really don't want to be on that thing right now. It's hot and non ventilated, it's really full, I'd have to pick my bike up to load it, I'd only go for 2 stops and spend $2.50 on bus fare.

So I think... I could walk!

What a novel idea! Walking, instead of going quicker and biking. Eating 1 banana, instead of pushing through pain. And in neither instances did I choose to 'give up' ... in fact, because I have energy now, I'm more committed than ever.

And that is what I'd like to leave you with. High Five for Day Five.


Friday, October 16, 2009

Day FOUR (fore!)

I need to start by just saying... 10 days is a LONG TIME! Whose idea was this?

So today was GRATITUDE day. It's hard to be grateful when you don't have much coming in.

There have been a lot of learnings today. First, that doing the cleanse while taking action is perhaps not the best for me. I've been feeling nauseous at night, and have been noticing myself very sensitive to the people around me. My reaction to people's energies are starting to get weeeeird...

I've also thought about my mind's reaction. So many times today have I considered, "i am messing my system up, maybe I should eat something, I can't do it..." And I wonder, am I thinking these things because of fear? Or because of my mind?

I think, "I'm breaking it, that's it, I feel sick, this isn't supposed to make me feel sick". And then I realize this is a great reminder of when I was in terrible pain after the accident... and how breathing, one breath in, one breath out, it puts you in the moment, and suddenly there you are.

And then I think about how I would feel were I to 'give up', and I think how I would feel about Quitting. And then I also worry, will I be able to make it through tomorrow?

And lastly -- I think, wow, is food the *only* thing that will get me through the day? The whole point of this cleanse is to draw my attention away from food, and to focus on the other lifestyle choices that make me complete. Noticing my thoughts as they stem up is a great, great thing... because these are the thoughts I want to change Post-Cleanse Process. Ya know?

So far, so good. Great yoga class tonight, and i feel great when i'm still. It's when I move that those feelings set in. We will see how I feel by mid-day tomorrow. Tomorrow, by the way, is "BREATH" day. Hmm.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Cleanse - Day 3

Dear World.

So, I've committed to writing every day of this cleanse. At 11:37 at night, when I've been up for 18 hours and am waking up in 6.5, I'm not entirely sure how great a decision that was. However, commitment is what it is. And for some reason I've decided to "honour" commitments. Geez. Whoever's idea that was...

So today was the last of my Ease-In days. One thing I've done on this cleanse is to have 3 "Ease-In" days, 3 Masterfully cleansing days, and 3 "Ease-Out" days. "ease in" and "ease out" are the same 3 days, only mirror imaged to each other: day 1 - whole, living, organic fruits n veg all day. Day 2 - whole juices and soups. day 3 - juices (preferably orange).

The other thing about these next 10 days is that each day has a Theme, a small 1-2 sentence meditation, and a few action steps. that Yours Truly has come up with. (Yours Truly is me, by the way. Just wanted to confirm that.) So Day 1 - Tuesday - was Preparation day: "Today I prepare myself for the week to come". Action: To spend an hour and a bit writing out a plan for the following week.

Day 2 - Wednesday - was Reduce day - very hard for me - "Today I acknowledge my left brain and organisational skills, and how they help me". Action step was to clean my room, clear clutter off the horizontal surfaces. Goal for the next week is to keep them cleared...

And that brings me to today, "orange juice day". Otherwise known as Day 3. Today was "compassion/generosity"... "Today I honour the people and light beings around me, and I value their needs just as my own". Action? To bring something to everyone I meet... be it a gift, a smile, a well-placed thought...

I found that hard today. Mostly because I've been so focussed on myself, with this cleanse and all... it's hard to focus on others. Also, because that's hard for me to begin with...

And tomorrow? man. I don't know how cut out for this stuff I am. My head hurts, I feel kinda nauseous, and I'm really tired. I know I'm dedicated... but maybe this is too intense for me... have I bitten off more than I can chew?

ooh - and can you comment if you've done the Master Cleanse before? I'd love to hear your voices on it. So far, I'm plugging along. Tomorrow is Day 4... that's Gratitude day. Sheeeit.... hope I can dig to that next level beyond the ego...



Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Welcome to the Fire!

About 2 weeks ago I decided - without realizing that I had decided - to do a cleanse after Thanksgiving. Upon my return to Vancouver, it's been an interesting haul. It's been filled with Fire-Energy.

Just over a year ago, I was in the middle of a very intense Journey process - probably the most intense I've ever had - when this deep fire just shot up through my belly. It was like this grumbling from the earth, and my whole body suddenly became feverish. It was wweeeeird. My body was booming at me... fire.... and all of the sudden, these action steps appeared to me. Go to hot yoga. Harness your inner fire. Do the Master Cleanse. Be in ACTION.

I was floored... flabbergasted. After the process, I needed to remove myself from the group because the feelings were so strong, so intense - so vivid. I could see my highest Self... my future.

Upon returning back to Van, I felt I was totally ready to live in that fire... I pursued my certification as a Journey Practitioner, I met loads of people, I stayed in touch with all the people from the healing and personal development camps and retreats I'd done over the past few months.

And then...





Got my Journey certification, went travelling. Had some contract jobs open up that were lovely and wonderful and fun...but my practice did not take off. I still had not moved out. My ankle was in a lot of pain, and I found myself gaining weight. I was so very uninspired, except for those rare moments that I truly treasured.

Anyway, that turned out to be a lot more rambly than I had hoped. The point is... I returned from another summer THIS year... in a COMPLETELY different space. Totally revved, rejuvinated, feeling full of action and self-confidence in ways I've never felt.

I've been not just inspired to... but I've been committing to things. Like waking up at 6am and writing for a few hours before heading to yoga, or work. Coming home and checking things off the list that I've committed to do. Applying for lots of positions. Writing. Playing the keyboard.
Eating well. It's amazing how I feel like a new woman... (although that last Woman inside of me is an integral part of the Woman I am now...)

So one of the things I've committed to is a 9-day cleanse. It was originally supposed to be like a 4- or 5-day cleanse, but I ended up adding some Ease-In and Ease-Out days. In doing so, I chose to really use this time and space to really GO for the change I wanted... how better than to use the act of eating as a metaphor for the rest of life.

I'm going to post about the next week or so as it goes a bit more. But I just needed to share the word that it is a time for ACTION these days, and this is a beautiful thing.

Thank you for your space. Namaste.