Sunday, March 13, 2011

Week 6: Tackle Weaknesses Week

Oh how fitting. How very, very fitting.  I have to tell ya, I laughed/cried/threw up a little bit in my mouth when I saw the title of this week. (i had forgotten what week it was)

OK you don't understand -- well how could you, you can't read my mind (can you?!) -- let me back up a little bit. I'll explain in a sec. FIRST, let me do a quick recap:

IN SUM: <-- ooh, that sounds kinda official doesn't it? I like it ;) Ok. Seriously. So after last week, the totally uninspired, i-feel-icky-and-watched-tv-all-day week, this week was like a COMPLETE reversal. Thank the heavenly beings that Be!

PHYSICAL BODY: I am -- miraculously -- the same weight as in Week 2. woo! I've been super committed to doing exercise every day -- be it gym, yoga, or swimming. I feel supported, and I feel like body and I are slowly becoming pals again. That's very exciting.

Upcoming, I will be healing from tonsil surgery so I intend to be very easy on myself, and just focus on the visualization and mind-healing, and treating my body with nourishing food and gentle exercise over the coming weeks.

HEALTH & ENERGY: It has been an INSPIRATIONAL weekend. I was volunteering at this event called the  I Can Do It! Conference, it featured a whoooole bunch of inspirational teachers and authors who have guided me and my ankle to the incredible place I'm in now. To see them -- real, live people -- speaking up there, as well as having spent the weekend with a great pal who is clearly a soul-friend that I was supposed to meet on set last week was a gift.

Upcoming, I hope to have the energy to do just one little thing on the to-do list daily. Tuesday might be a gong show, and depending on how the pain is wed-friday, I'm aware I may not have the energy... but it would be pretty cool if I were able to get started on cleaning my desk or sorting through the itunes.

CREATIVE ACCOMPLISHMENTS: HANG UP THE PHONE PEOPLE MEGAN HAS BEEN WRITING. And not just random little ditties I'll never show anyone: I have been writing real scripts, with a friend. I have also had a few ideas for musical and song ideas (inspired by this weekend!), so who knows where we'll go with that. Upcoming this week, it would be awwwesome if I could do a little bit each day. I may ask my stepmom to bring my guitar over from my parent's place... who knows... maybe I'll write a little ditty?

SELF-ESTEEM: Yup, this week has done wonders. I neglected to mention that I have taken this week to not watch TV. Although it has been harrrd in some ways, I really do think that taking time away from the boob tube has contributed to an overall feeling of achievement, which has blossomed through to taking time to write, and sing, and do happy dances, and meet people.

It's also helped that there have been no new episodes in ANY of my favourite shows. Not that I've checked.

Upcoming, I honestly feel like the only achievement/self-esteem I need to live up to is healing, meditating with my new meditation CDs (!) daily, and anything else will be a bonus!

FINANCES & CAREER: This one has been stumping me. I feel I'm in this limbo performing-wise, because of the upcoming surgery and the recent voice issues. My "biz venture" ideas that have been coming with alacrity have been leaving with an equal fervor. I'm broke. I'm sorry universe -- I know I shouldn't state things as I don't like it because it's an affirmation -- but I've just gotta say it like it is -- I'm BROOOOOOOKE!

Upcoming... I just don't know. I'm keeping with the creative, and tonight i'm listening to a sweet-as meditation from a lady who apparently has done some great work in the past... I'm open, and I'm ready, and I'm learning about what to do and change.

MENTORS: I've had about 4 mentors in mind all week -- all of which are peers, and it's like I carried them around on my shoulder in different situations. I would see how one of them acted in a situation, and I pretended to act like them. I think that has been a major factor in helping me overcome watching TV daily, as well as improving my activity and eating from last week. I'm aware I still have a long way to go but -- as one of my mentors would say -- focus on your successes and live in the moment. Also, this weekend has been TOTALLY mentor-stacked with the conference, so yay!

THIS WEEK: OK. So at the beginning of this blog, the vomit-in-the-mouth thing, let me explain.
So one of the speakers I watched - Caroline Myss - what a freaking lady. She talked about many things today... but mostly, that we carry around 12 different archetypes in our psyche. Some of them we're proud of, like the Goddess and the Charismatic Child and all that. But then there are some we like to pretend we don't have... like the Sabateur, the Gambler, the Vampire... I can get into this a little later. But suffice it to say that we, essentially, walk around with a narcissistic ego that is SO terrified of not being Enough that it likes to overcompensate ... and say, "you need THIS and this and this to be Enough", and so we state our RIGHTS to others -- usually our partners -- "I need THIS from you to survive, otherwise I'm walking away". And we don't open ourselves to their needs.

In a word, we have this entitlement that the Narcissistic Ego likes to perpetuate.

Now why is it so fitting that this week is one to tackle weaknesses? Because this morning, when Caroline was speaking about this entitlement that we carry around, I got this feeling that was like, goosebumps combined with upchuck. It was a strong call to action... that THIS is what has been getting in the way of my financial abundance and success with my career. And I resolved that this was the next stage for me to work on: becoming aware of, and combatting my "demons", as Caroline calls them.

So after a lovely chat with Ms. Marion Piper, and heading to the blog, what crosses my consciousness but... "tackling weaknesses". Meant to be, much?

So here's to a kick-ass week. Thank you for being readers on this journey. It's nice to have something to feel accountable to. Much love, light, and good vibes -- have an INCREDIBLE, strength-filled week and we'll see you next week (however light and drugged up the post may be!)


Sunday, March 6, 2011



Woo hoo! First off, need a little celebration that I've made it through ONE MONTH! That's a quarter of the way through! Even though I haven't been perfect -- far from it, actually -- I'm still going forward. And those times when I take a couple days off, and though I've seen very few tangible results, I still have a strong underlying faith that this is my path. Month 1 has been a month of trial & error... month 2 is about determination and discipline.

Also -- can I just say -- it's exciting to be posting ON TIME, for once. I feel like the worst of the emotional storm has come and passed... at least I hope so. I do know that I feel energized and motivated to cross things off the to-do list, which is more than I can say over the past couple of days (weeks even?) -- so I don't want to jinx anything. One day at a time, right?

So to recap over this past week:

PHYSICAL BODY: I'm pretty sure I've gained. Alas. I've been on set (more about that later), and let me tell you: there is an overwhelming abundance of food in that extra tent... enough that could feed small villages for days I am sure! And with the emotional ick that I've been feeling, there's been much of self-medicating. That being said, the physical body has been falling by the wayside though there has been advancement in other areas.

HEALTH & ENERGY: Doing night shoots over the past week has really done a number on my Circadian cycle. That being said. As I write below, it was extremely re-inspiring to be around movie stars and movie people who are incredibly successful and lovely.

CREATIVE ACCOMPLISHMENTS: I worked on set, doing my 2nd background gig ever, for a major film. I submitted my show to a festival. I watched a great deal of TV and movies (not sure if those are Accomplishments, per se, seeings how they were me being both exhausted and hiding from emotions, but sometimes I watched them with an objective eye so i'll call those creative accomplishments!)

SELF-ESTEEM: I met some truly rad people on set, and it made me very happy to be me during that time on set.

FINANCE & CAREER: I REALLY realized how much I love being on set. I know that as background, I don't do a whole lot... but just hanging around, and watching all these people being so passionate about working for 12-13 hours at a time, to make a movie... it was EXTREMELY re-inspiring.

GOOD VIBES TO OTHERS: This was AWESOME!!! I want to do this again!!!! It's so easy. Honestly. I had 2 separate events with family members that were super painful, and I found that just thinking good things about them was helpful afterwords. Not sure if it made a difference, but it definitely helped me internally. I totally recommend this!

TRIBUTE TO MENTORS WEEK: OK so this week upcoming is about paying tribute to mentors. There are 2 ways I'd like to do this: first, to imitate mentors. (Because, as Marion pointed out earlier, imitation IS the best form of tribute/flattery!) I have a couple in mind that are SO incredible and confident -- ways that I would like to be -- so I'm going to have "Act like ______" days.
And second, to send emails, or other ways of directly paying tribute to them. I'm totally looking for ideas... I've posted on Facebook ... if any of you reading this have ideas, please comment or email me -- I'll let you know how this week goes!

As always, thanks for your love and support, and keep being strong! Month 2, here we come!

Lots of love,

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

A long-overdue weekly update


Hello, friends. So my sincerest apologies for not responding to you when I said I would. 2 weeks in a row of not blogging! How bad am I!

I am writing this while waiting to go on set as a background “actor” (loosely used!) for a certain big film that is being shot in Vancouver. I made sure to bring my computer on set with me so that I would have NO CHOICE but to sit in front of it and write about the past couple of weeks!!

PHYSICAL BODY: So these past 2 weeks have been pretty emotional for me. I haven’t lost any weight, in fact I may have gained a pound or two. So the win for me lies in the fact that I haven’t backtracked too far, even in a time when I’ve really wanted to cling to the safety of food.

HEALTH & ENERGY: Until late this week, for the past 2 weeks I have been super committed to ensuring 30-45 mins of sweaty physical activity 6 times a week. Even though my food intake has been extremely poor, the afterglow of activity that I’ve been able to relish in has been wonderful. It’s given me a sheer strength that I otherwise wouldn’t have had. I can feel myself getting stronger, physically, and I gotta tell you it is a NICE feeling to trust my body again!

CREATIVE ACCOMPLISHMENTS: Week 2, I worked hard with a dramaturg on my solo show, and Week 3, I submitted it to a theatre festival. I’m really grateful that I got that submission done... there really is something to be said about having a deadline and a creative structure to aim towards. It was REALLY scary to submit my show – this baby of mine that I have held close to my heart for so many years – but in the end, I’m glad I did it. The more I get this work out there, the more I feel I’m freeing up spaced for more creative “children” to come to light! That being said, I’ve also noticed some major creative antagonism and sabotage, in both filling my body with junk (doesn’t do the physical body good that’s for sure!), and watching TV episodes back to back (lately it’s been finishing Season 1 of Fringe!)

SELF-ESTEEM: It’s been OK. I don’t want to get into what’s happened too much, but suffice it to say that it’s been an emotionally taxing 2 weeks. There has been an issue in my life that has been extremely emotional over the past 9 months, and just in the past 2 weeks it’s come to a head. I knew this was going to be an issue, but I didn’t realize it would affect me so hard. So merely the fact that I’ve been sticking to the plan, even the days I veer away, the fact that over the past 2 weeks I’ve come back even every couple of days has been incredible and I’m OK patting myself on the back for that.

FINANCE & CAREER: Ya know, I’ve been doing some work recommended by Stuart Wilde, a monetarily-inclined Spiritual Teacher for the past few weeks, and I’ve been starting to lose faith a little bit. I brainstorm almost daily about financially lucrative ideas, and I’ve brought these up with certain people, and although I feel more knowledgeable about some of these ideas, I still feel as if I’m treading water. So no real progress – that you can see, at least – on that front.

As for the Special Causes:. Week 2: FLIP SIDE WEEK .

I actually really liked this week. I’d like to carry forward some of the learnings that I took from it! One particular exercise that I came up with, while journaling one day in a cafe, was the following:

I chose as many areas in my life as possible that I was feeling crappy about. I pulled out my handy dandy journal and wrote the following:

“I feel crappy/sh*tty/icky about: _________”

I felt how that felt.

I then wrote the following sentence:

“In a perfect world, I would change this by...._________”

I sometimes wrote a couple of those sentences for each issue, and in one particular instance I wrote a paragraph. I then proceeded to continue with this formula for the remainder of the “I feel shitty about” list. And you know what’s crazy? I began to feel better.

See here’s the thing. I gave myself TOTAL permission to be as zany as possible on “I would change this by...” Allowing myself complete freedom to change my situation by zooming to the moon, for example. But what got crazy was that, when I had gone through my list and finished, I looked back... and even though it seemed TOTALLY CRAZY when I wrote it down... it actually wasn’t that crazy when I looked back at it. One of my answers was, “By talking to my boyfriend about this issue”. The only reason it felt crazy was because I was not in an emotional space enough to be able to even THINK about bringing it up with him... but by the time I’d finished the exercise, I’d raised my emotional vibration enough that it seemed like the perfect thing to do.

I discovered this late in the week. I had grand intentions of doing this exercise every day, but I forgot. Oops. Do not fret, however... this exercise WILL come back!

So that was the big golden nugget of Week 2. I’d love to take that one with me.


This one was somewhat the hardest yet. And to be honest, I actually forgot to Pay It Forward on a couple days. Some of my Pay It Forwards included holding a door for a woman with a big load, making dinner for a dear friend and giving her a container to take it home, helping a friend move, buying lunch for my mom when she had lost her wallet...

So although most of these are things that I would do anyway, it was actually kinda nice to celebrate a week of doing things for other people with absolutely NO intention of “getting it back”. I think that we forget that the little things we do can actually make big ripples. I forget, at least.

So that’s Week 2 and 3, dearies! Thank you for baring with me. Week 4 is GOOD VIBES TO PEOPLE week (No gossiping!), and I can’t TELL you how excited I am about that. So far so good, even surrounded by a whole whack of chatty kathies that usually I would LOVE to pick apart. (Err, ego would, that is!). So here’s to a whole week of throwing warm fuzzies at people, ESPECIALLY the ones who are mean to you!!