Friday, October 16, 2009

Day FOUR (fore!)

I need to start by just saying... 10 days is a LONG TIME! Whose idea was this?

So today was GRATITUDE day. It's hard to be grateful when you don't have much coming in.

There have been a lot of learnings today. First, that doing the cleanse while taking action is perhaps not the best for me. I've been feeling nauseous at night, and have been noticing myself very sensitive to the people around me. My reaction to people's energies are starting to get weeeeird...

I've also thought about my mind's reaction. So many times today have I considered, "i am messing my system up, maybe I should eat something, I can't do it..." And I wonder, am I thinking these things because of fear? Or because of my mind?

I think, "I'm breaking it, that's it, I feel sick, this isn't supposed to make me feel sick". And then I realize this is a great reminder of when I was in terrible pain after the accident... and how breathing, one breath in, one breath out, it puts you in the moment, and suddenly there you are.

And then I think about how I would feel were I to 'give up', and I think how I would feel about Quitting. And then I also worry, will I be able to make it through tomorrow?

And lastly -- I think, wow, is food the *only* thing that will get me through the day? The whole point of this cleanse is to draw my attention away from food, and to focus on the other lifestyle choices that make me complete. Noticing my thoughts as they stem up is a great, great thing... because these are the thoughts I want to change Post-Cleanse Process. Ya know?

So far, so good. Great yoga class tonight, and i feel great when i'm still. It's when I move that those feelings set in. We will see how I feel by mid-day tomorrow. Tomorrow, by the way, is "BREATH" day. Hmm.


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