I've never considered myself a passionate person about major political or social justice things. To be totally honest, often my involvement doesn't extend beyond "Like"-ing organizations on Facebook. I've attended about 4 Pride Parades in my life - usually because it's been a way to hang out with someone who was really adamant about going, or because I was promoting a show I was in. And to be totally honest, I think it's musical theatre that really forced me at a young age to accept gay rights - I realized that if I was going to stay in musical theatre, I'd better learn to become friends with some gay boys. Especially the ones I had crushes on (I suppose that was my first experience that no matter how hard you try, you're really not going to turn a boy straight!).


Of course that is a massive stereotype. But this blog all started with being kinda tired on a drizzly Saturday evening. I didn't really know what movie to watch, so I Googled "good movies to watch" (creative, right?) - and came across this link from Gala Darling (who looks like a pretty wicked awesome lady actually). And for the record, just reading her movie selection made me realize that her and I could for sure be friends.

So one of the movies on the list was "But I'm a Cheerleader" - looked cute and funny (RuPaul plays an "ex-gay" and wears short shorts, I mean how could I not watch it?!) So I watched the silly, campy movie, and it was exactly as I thought it would be (silly and campy).

But while watching it, I realized: this is actually something that people do in the world today. There are loving parents out there who are, in fact, so scared themselves of 'veering away from God's path' that they send their children to camps to "pray away the gay", "butch up", and use the argument that you can quit from drugs or alcohol, so why can't you quit from gay thoughts.

Not entirely believing that Conversation Therapy was a thing, I wikipedia'd it (thank you Internet!). Sure enough, I came across a few organizations: the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality) and Exodus. I spent my morning reading arguments and studies on why kids of same-sex couples have grown up with "negative" consequences, and how "participants [report] positive outcomes from [conversion] therapy". This is a direct quote from Julie Hamilton, the Ph.D. 'd head of NARTH, by the way. In fact, upon learning that she gives presentations on her beliefs, I watched a YouTube clip of hers entitled "Homosexuality 101". She's actually a great speaker, for the record. She and NARTH hold firm to the belief that - to summarize - people are not born gay and do not choose to be gay. They theorize that while there are a bunch of reasons why a person "turns" gay, a predominant one is that a child's relationship with his/her parent is broken through some traumatic event, and so this child finds solace identifying with traits of the opposite gender. This "conversion therapy" seeks for every person to dig down into their memories, find that event, and heal it. Amongst other things. CNN did a great 3-part story on the research and everything leading to it.

So while absorbing all of this this morning, I thought a bunch of things. Most of which won't make it on this blog because chances are, if you're reading this, you think like me, let's be honest, you're someone who's clicked on the link off my Facebook page, and I don't really need to preach to the converted. And I'm not a debator or an academic because when I get passionate about things, my thoughts just get muddled with emotion so please excuse any technical inaccuracies and/or my lack of through-line.

But allow me to list off just a few of the thoughts that are circling through my head right now:

• People spend time, resources, and money on this as a social cause? And not just a little money. A LOT of money. Those fancy websites and impressive conventions are not cheap.
• This Julie lady is a wonderful speaker, and clearly an excellent academic due to completing her Ph.D. and her ability to craft a persuasive argument. So why can't she be a good speaker on other things? What drives her so deeply to spend her life "curing" people of homosexual lifestyles?
• For that matter, what do any of these people think when they look in the mirror? Is it really that much more important to them to have a traditional male-female relationship than a same-sex relationship with love and support? To live by severe boundaries than explore who they are?
• And lastly, perhaps what bugs me the most is that there are these educated people (although biased, they are educated) who form arguments that, at first glance, can sound reasonable, effective even. These arguments reach perhaps less-educated people that really only desire love and acceptance in their community (let's call it a church community). And suddenly, the way to receive love and acceptance is to follow this message.
• How did the anti-gay-rights movement start? Yes I know it's been something that's been thought for ages. But WHY did someone EVER think a gay lifestyle was wrong?

So I thought, If I were to engage in an argument with someone believing firmly in this stance (thankfully, I don't know anyone personally), what would I say?

To be honest, I don't know. Because I'd probably argue really poorly and then end the discussion with me allowing them to be entitled to their beliefs. Which to be honest, is probably an excellent thing because arguments where the other person doesn't listen are never helpful.

But if I were to engage, I'd probaby ask - WHY IS HOMOSEXUALITY WRONG? How can you compare Drinking or Smoking to Homosexuality? Drinking causes harm to yourself. Maybe harm to others if you're abusive. Maybe you can be in an abusive same-sex relationship. Perhaps sex with someone who has an STD is bad. But let's be honest, STDs and STIs are definitely NOT limited to gay sex. This page supports that children from same-sex parents are less likely to have lower levels of happiness and are more likely to be abused, either as children or adults (of course, it also doesn't ask children who have grown up with same-sex parents, only who have had same-sex parents at the time of the questionnaire, so it's entirely likely their childhood could have included an unhappy heterosexual relationship stemming to their issues). To that I say, "and you are relying on a study rather than your own heart"?

And it's quite obvious that that's where the debate/argument would end, as you can tell I sometimes run out of logical things to say. Yup, remind me never to enter that argument.

So, I'm not a Christian. I don't understand so-called Christian values, co-habitation doesn't seem wrong to me. Marriage doesn't seem right to me (really? It's a thing to commit the rest of your life to one person, because you are completely sure that neither of you will ever change?)
But I do very much believe that we should all have a right to our own opinions as long as they don't harm others. I have a cousin who just recently had a very Christian wedding - while I definitely did not enjoy the dogmatic speeches of the guests/wedding party, I love hanging around my cousin. I believe people are people. Let's just do things that make us happy and if they are hurting other people, chances are they're not making us truthfully happy.

I really admire the strong people who make the stance to go against the grain, but moreso the pioneers who did it at a time when NARTH's view was the world view (Gertrude Stein comes to mind). I can't even imagine the horror, and the bravery, and the extreme tancity it must've taken to live solidly by their lifestyle at a time when it meant social excommunication.

I have a male cousin who, at 10, is quite effiminate in mannerisms (and actually can be a little bitchy to his younger brother - we'll have to watch that). But he is an AMAZING performer and his parents support him in all they do. I can't even imagine if he had to go to "conversion therapy" - I look at all the potential he has to create incredible things, and I think, if he had to spend his entire life trying to be approved by changing the the way he speaks or judging the people he finds attractive, he would have a VERY different life.

As I stated early on, I'm not one to go to every pride rally and write picket signs and elicit donations. Sometimes I wish I was, but that's not me. However, I felt the need to state my opinion on this topic, especially as July is coming to a close, a time when cities all over have Pride Parades (which are often just an excuse to wear underwear and glitter, but hey, at least it celebrates that we can do that).

So I'll just end this by asking: if you "pray away the gay", what do you indeed become? I'd think just someone who's spending their daily existence shrouded in emotional baggage. Can't we all just seek love in our lives, and focus on the addictions that really do matter?

Hi! It's been a while. Sorry for the delay... I don't have a good excuse, except that I got busy. You deserve better, though :)

OK, so this post is about some pretty important stuff that's come up this past week. I was on doctor-ordered voice rest due to a bump of some form on my left vocal fold. A case of overworking myself physically, emotionally, and mentally, and not listening to the signs until it was too late.

So I had to release myself from all commitments... and spend 7 days with myself. Seven days. With myself. Most of the time in a confined space.

Oh god!

Now, I will say one thing: this was certainly not a true vipassana meditation because I definitely did a lot of things, and had to communicate with others through other methods (email, texts, etc). Because the voice rest came on quite suddenly, I still had a great deal of my life to organize and as much as I wanted to take the time to have Mind become completely silent (oh horrors!) I was unable to, due to not being completely ready for it.

HOWEVER. That being said, it has definitely been a huge and wonderful learning experience this past week.

You know, up until recently, I'd really started to lose sight of myself. Isn't it funny sometimes, the more action you take, the more you can lose sight of yourself? I'm taking action because I want to get where I want to be... yet, I took this action so far that I got sick and had to remove myself completely.

Of course... doesn't the Universe always give you what you asked for, just in a different way?
I've been looking to start taking time off my current life for a while... I just didn't know how. Part of me was starting to get frustrated and a little dead inside, much like that hamster on the wheel (a past life, perhaps??), the merry-go-round that doesn't let you get off. I saw a psychic the Friday before I found out all this stuff with my voice, on a very odd whim. (Seriously, I was walking to the car on Granville Island and something nudged me further on, further on, and further on still... until I was at the bottom of the psychic's staircase looking up. What's a girl to do!)

So he said some pretty powerful stuff concerning my upcoming direction. The two things he made note of were:
-to make time for my spiritual work
-focus on writing
(actually, what he said was, "You're a healer, girl! Share those gifts with the world!" a la Jack McFarland)

He also told me that a lot of my struggles were behind me, and now it's time to reap the benefits. (What does that even MEAN? I thought in my head)

So how does that relate to you? Well. I must share with you some of the pretty awesome revelations I've had over the past week.

1. Creativity is awesome. I've had time to revisit certain passages/exercises of the Artist's Way (Julia Cameron... if you haven't read it... do it now!), specifically the morning pages (3 pages of longhand writing done first thing in the morning) and the artist date (1-2 hours of hanging out with your Inner Child). The point of morning pages to get your "chatter" out of the way so you can spend the day living in the present. Some people love it, some people hate it... but all I have to say is when I'm focused on "doing whatever it takes" to regain my creativity, 3 pages of longhand writing seem like a great way to get my own voice out of the way without other people having to listen to it! And the point of the artist date is to "fill the well" and remember what your little artist likes and doesn't (because ultimately, isn't it your perception that makes your own creativity unique?)
   
   I've had a pretty great time remembering what it's like to write short stories just for the fun of it, or sketch pretty awful semblances of cups (or are they dogs? You can never tell when I'm done with it...) I have no idea where my writing will take me... but remembering the journey has been pretty incredible.
   
   
2. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. You know, I totalled it up today, and I spent somewhere around 20 hours in the past week cleaning and organizing my place. You'd think I hadn't cleaned it since we moved in! But I read recently in Stuart Wilde's work that touching things will give them a life energy, regardless of what they are... and ya know, I haven't put this much love into a place... well... ever. For the first time since we've moved in (and even before then...) I am in love with the space I live in... simply because I'm finding my groove!
   
   
3. Self-care is what it's cracked up to be. Oh my god. I'd forgotten what it was like to sleep until you wake up. Honestly. Since ... the summer... maybe? ... I hadn't had a day where I hadn't woken up to an alarm... and I certainly hadn't had more than 1 day in a row of having nothing planned except for what I've planned for myself. Meaning, being in control of my schedule gave me a feeling of empowerment that had been missing for a very long time... and the ability to sleep for the length of time my body asked for, to do little bits of stretching here and there... but mostly, to say nice things to yourself. For the first time in years, I've had the time to do an awesome, full meditation process in the morning.
   
   And if you don't mind, I'm going to share with you a meditation technique that 2 wonderful people in my life, Julie and Matt, shared with me on the weekend. It goes like this:
   1) put your hands on your heart
   2) close your eyes
   3) say/sing/whisper/chant/warble "I love you" to yourself for at least 1 minute.
   
   I know, I know! It sounds cheesy! But I promise you--I promise you -- it works!
   
   
4. Refresh, Re-inspire, Rinse, Repeat. I'd forgotten what it's like to observe my thoughts. Granted, (thankfully!), all the work I've been doing for the past 5 years is starting to take hold so I don't have to consciously think so much about creating my thoughts... but GEE WHIZ! Taking so much time hanging out with myself, I forgot how angry I can get when that douche cuts me off, or how selfish I can be when I'm eating, or how fear-prone I can get when I'm reviewing my finances. As much as I like to pretend I'm perfect... I forgot just how far from it I am! And, how much work it takes to change those deep-set thoughts...!
   

Ahhh.... well, those are my musings. You'd think after a week of silence I'd have nothing to say!

:)

As always, I hope that my learnings can be of some use to you. The next upcoming weeks are going to be ones of sincere reflection, and as I intend to be a diligent client and listen to my "Just Jack" psychic, I will be focusing on how I can be of service in both writing and offerings of spiritual healing. So in other words, expect more blogs!

Love, blessings, and infinite gratitude,
Meg