Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Where are you being a selfish asshole?

Today, I need to talk about a real fucking inspirational human being. It has taken me longer than I care to admit to comment on Lu's situation, because when my gremlins showed up this time, I listened to them for longer than I should have.

Let me tell you a story about a real fucking inspiration. Meet Luisa Lyons, everyone.

One of the most cheery, upbeat, positive, sweet people I know. An uber-talented singer, performer, teacher, and all-around human.

 Lu and I have travelled extremely similar paths. Both of us are from commonwealth countries. Both of us have recently turned 30. Both of us have craved to work on Broadway, and we met working at a creative performing arts camp. We both have fancy graduate theatre degrees from prestigious London colleges, and we're both pretty smiley. (Not gonna lie, people kinda love us.).

Then Lu went and did a big thing… she found a way to move to NYC LEGALLY. She "surpassed" me in her life. Naturally, I got jealous… She was living her dream, but since that dream also happened to be mine, and I was stuck in this 'shitty ol' place called not-New-York', well I couldn't handle somebody else "stealing" my dream. I did what I do when any of my non-US friends move to NYC… I unfollowed her on Facebook, then continued to binge watch Netflix. In short, I listened to the Scarcity voice that said "be jealous because if she has it then you cannot".


And then, a few months ago, a mutual friend's post came across my feed. They had written on Lu's Facebook something about "get better". Being the curious cat I am ("maybe she got a bad cold from New York pollution, won't that serve her right for living her dream"), I clicked on her wall. And what I was confronted with slapped me in the face harder than that weird Monty Python fish-slapping dance.

Because, guys, Lu. had. cancer.



You know, that thing that kills you. You know, CANCER.

She had been diagnosed with this insane leukaemia that gave her one month to live if she didn't pursue treatment. Out of the blue. OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE, GUYS. 6 weeks before her 30th bday. This is a girl who would put the dalai lama to shame when it came to clean eating and living. This is a girl who gave me guidance and instruction on meditation because it's something she's been doing regularly for years. ummm…. WHAT?!

So here I am, feeling sorry for myself in my beautiful apartment in my beautiful city with my beautiful healthy body … and my good friend was fighting a beast of a fight to LIVE.

And here's what ensued of my thoughts.

"Well, I had to fight pretty hard myself, I was hit by a car and couldn't live in London anymore you know. Lu gets to live in New York City with a nice husband and has surpassed her crowdfunding goal, so I don't feel bad for her".

ummm…. WHAT???


.. no really, …


First of all, I had to fight pretty hard to be able to dance/move/work jobs on my feet again, to adjust to a life with a disability, and to be able to live without things I used to be able to do easily, I don't deny that… but cmon,  not once did I have to fight for my life.

And second of all… REALLY, MEG???

^^our gremlins show up and we don't even know they're the ones speaking to us ^^

So why I am sharing this with you, you might ask? (I'm kinda asking myself the same question right now).  Because I don't think I'm alone in recognizing that there is a shadow side of ALL OF US. To say that we are all wonderful, "good" people, all the time, is nonsense. So how am I going to buck up and make friends with my shittiness so I can move forward and take the next right action?

1) I NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY SHITTINESS ABOUT THIS. I was paralyzed about thinking of ways to help my dear friend in a massive time of need, because I had shitty feelings about the whole thing. "she's fine, she has all these friends who are helping her, bad things don't happen to good people.."  … maybe that's true… but what if all of her friends were like me… shitty, too stuck in their own emotions to even post on her wall… where would she be? Nowhere.'

2) I'M GONNA LEARN FROM LU. When I was in the hospital and for years of recovery (and even now, in some ways…), I couldn't watch Broadway clips, or shows of things that felt inaccessible to me, because they felt impossible, and my self-pity is one strong Kraken.

Lu continues to be a positive force of nature. You should see her Facebook page. This girl is still watching all the things that make her happy like Broadway clips on youtube … even though she is in a gross hospital undergoing gross surgeries and stuff… her Facebook looks pretty similar to the way it was even before the accident… upbeat, fun, and happy. INSPIRING.

3) LET'S DO WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE. Let's, universally, be better people. I know I'm not alone in making past shitty choices. Just for today, I refuse to let my selfishness win. Even if I have to turn it over 10 times a minute, so be it. Being selfish has not served me. I may not be able to give the way I wish I could, but refusing to help when I know I can at least share her story online? … #notcoolmeg

Help Lu, if you can - donate to her gofundme. Read her blog. Help her become a Broadway star. Send her some healing light. Whatever's available to you right now.

Or maybe you have someone near and dear to you who you have a way of helping but are just not willing to because of your own stubborn selfishness. All I ask of you is… what are you missing by not being the bigger person here?

Because I can't help but think… how much did I miss by not following Lu on Facebook earlier? By not supporting her in her dreams?

I'm just glad that I could come to my senses in time to be able to be her biggest fan. And I hope you can too. I'm sorry, Lu, and I love you with my whole heart.

With all compassion for everyone else fighting the gremlin-struggle...


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