Monday, August 26, 2013

What do you do when you're right back at the beginning?

Hey there world,

Just touching base. It's been a rough night, and I thought I'd share some of my thoughts with you.

September, 2013. Here we are, right back at September... and, once again, after having a huge, life-changing, quantum-leap summer...

I'm right back to where I started.

Did I even go away? Did I really have experiences?

Has this ever happened to you? Have you gone away, had a major life-shifting event... then coming back feels like -- as my friend Paula says -- your "toes are cut off trying to fit back into your shoes?". That's where I'm at.

Don't get me wrong - Vancouver is beautiful. I'm lucky to be employed at a job that pays reasonably well for the hours that I work, and to have such thoughtful, caring co-workers. There is so much gratitude here... yet, why does my heart hurt so much?

New York was LIFE-CHANGING. I think. I mean, everything was clicking, the Universe was offering me gifts upon gifts, people's schedules just magically would merge with mine, and I just felt like I had valuable pieces to offer the world. And I come back, and it feels like I've been running and just slammed my solar plexus into a hurdle. The wind feels knocked out of me.

I can't continue living this way, I just can't. I can't keep having to "come down". And therein lies the choice... does one choose to not have expansive experiences because it's just too painful to contract back into where she was before? Or does this same person simply throw caution to the wind and negate all prior responsibilities following the perfection that is a 6-week vacation?

Has anyone else ever experienced this? What have your choices been... or did Providence step in at the very last moment and make the decision for you? I'm all ears.

With all love,
Meg <3>

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